The Greatest Invention: Baby Muzzle



So I have had this great idea for an invention that has only been resolidified time and time again in my mind as I have traveled these last several months. The invention is a baby muzzle. Now before mothers take to the streets to form an angry mob to run me out of town, hear me out.

Here is the concept:

I would design a muzzle that will fit a baby from about 6 months to three. The material would be light weight and very breathable. We are not talking about suffocation here. Then on the front of the muzzle a modulator would be placed to dial down the volume on the baby’s cries. The point is to make it to where the mother can still hear the child, but the shrill and ear piercing noise we’ve have all come to know as an enraged infant would be hedged.

Now I can see those torches being lit (for the mob). So I wont stop there, it will come in creative little faces for the baby so it won’t look like this…

Aerborn Grazing Muzzle

Of course imagine a baby and not a horse... (No horses were hurt in the making of this post.)

 But more like this…


Artistic challenges aside pretty cute, huh?

Artistic challenges aside pretty cute, huh?


See you can get a cute little piggy or a manly little lion or a crazy tree frog! The possibilities are endless! Then everyone that has to sit next to lovely families with  newborns can enjoy the cuteness of their children and catch a nap while enjoying airline peanuts… I am genious (White collar joke right here.)




13 Responses

  1. Looks delicious! Just remember. Sometimes it is cheaper to buy from the frozen food section if you are cooking for one! Otherwise you end up eating Campbell’s Cheesy Chicken Casserole all week. Love you, Mama

  2. The baby muzzle looks delicious… scary.

  3. Luke,
    I think ANYONE who has ever been to Walmart on a Saturday when everyone brings their 3.5 children and 4 kids they randomly picked up on their way out of the neighborhood would agree this new idea of yours is GREAT. I’ll invest.

  4. Yeah, I can see where this would be handy, having an 11 month old that wants to be held all the time. LOL

  5. I had this same idea last night. I googled it to see if I was the first and I’m obviously not, but I hope you are successful with your creation.

  6. also had this idea… so, where do i sign up to test the prototype?

  7. We need one of these! I also know a few toddlers who would would be much more pleasant with one on, i hope you can make this happen.

  8. Let me know where to sign up.

  9. As a mother of two children under 5 I want to ask you this:

    Have you patented this thing yet? Where is the test market? Have you cleared it with various regulatory agencies (I mean, it’s along the same lines as the kid-leash so it can’t be a bad invention, right?). LMAO

    I found your blog and this specific entry when I Googled “kid muzzle” to see if there was an image of one to show my sister because we were joking about them. We’ve been up since 6.30a with both of my children making a joyful noise unto the vaulted ceilings…

    • Since the time stamp on my post says “6:50 am” I want to point out that where I am it is now almost eight…

      Keep up the great writing. I’ll follow.

  10. Sorry, but I invented this over 10 years ago, patent pending

  11. LOL, I thought about this idea Hundreds of times When My kids are saying mommy every two seconds and they won’t stop Or screaming because they Can’t get a piece of candy. I wouldn’t put it on a newborn because they can’t talk all they can do is cry and thats no bother but when then hit two 1/2 and up thats when his thing would come in handy all the way up until preteens maybe longer LOL Muzzles wouldn’t be to horrible LOL.. I love this it made me have a laugh

  12. Where can I order one ? Is there a one eight hundred number? Do you take credit cards? Just kidding but that is a funny ideal . Forget signing up let’s just get it on the market lol

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